Monday, September 3, 2012

Micro-Story: XO


  
tHE weEkND
             Leftover balloons and steamers. Smoke and mirrors disorient you further. The smell of latex laces your nostrils. You reminisce on the wicked games that were meant to be played. The remains of popped balloon sleeves create a checkerboard pattern on the laminate floor. Faulty florescent bulbs shine little light on the crumpled mass before you. The longer you strain your bloodshot eyes to stare at what used to be alive, the more disassembled the mass becomes. Limbs start to limp away from it, one by one they unattach. An arm is now in the bathroom and a foot is ramming itself into a wall and an eyeball just toppled down a flight of stairs. You are strangely unphased by these hallucinations. Does that scare you?

              Walking over to the bathroom you stumble on a rise in the laminate and are left on your backside, now face to face with the mass. You flick your stare quickly from the Styrofoam ceiling tiles to the heap crumpled beside you. You see the distorted face of your brother. His tongue is flopped out of his mouth, like a raw piece of meat, still fresh and bleeding. His eyelids are partially open, revealing a glimpse of yellowing pupils behind them. His eyelashes are glued together with sleep and tears, creating small, jagged shadows upon his cheeks. His lips are cracked and thirsty, dead and grey. Your gaze travels upward back to the ceiling tiles. You close your burning, bloodshot eyes.
               Slowly you open them, bringing the scene back into view. Next, you get up off the cold, textured floor. You gather the arm from the bathroom, halt the foot’s banging, and collect the eye from the base of the dark staircase. You make your way over to the mass, avoiding the cracked laminate this time. You proceed to fasten the limbs back onto your brother’s cold body, like fixing a broken doll. His body appears less mangled now and is easier on the eyes. The less strain on your eyes the better, they’ve been killing you all night.
 
 
 

2 comments:

  1. I feel like this a hypothetical ‘you’, which is referring to a specific character of a story, reminiscing the story to an outside source, that it is not the reader who is experiencing it. It’s very eerie and I like the stream of conscious. The most powerful language use is in the metonymy and synecdoche of body parts. But I feel that though they can be metaphorical, they seem to be literally dismembered body parts. ‘Does that scare you?’ certainly strikes a cord. “The less strain on your eyes the better, they’ve been killing you all night,” adds an element of a surreal ambiguity as to the state of sanity of the narrator. The writing and overall happenings and story were a little confusing, but you left enough to be able to infer. I think your story needed an insight beyond the party, into the life of the character, to its significance. Your detail and description of the scene was brilliant, it was a mix of hallucinations and part actuality with clear language and disorienting thoughts. X0X0X0. =)

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  2. Whoah! I am in full agreement with Dveen on both points: very evocative imagery (somehow, the balloons themselves seem extra-wrong in this context) and I also agree that a smudge more grounded-ness would make the creepy and upsetting images that much more effective.

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